Strip clubs are an interesting thing.

As a feminist, I feel as though I should be offended. As a misogynist, I can see the appeal, and it’s not like the women are forced to do this job. Plus, they make bank, so can I really feel sorry for them?

As my male friend and I sat in the back of the strip club for what was my first time at a club, we discussed the weirdness of attending a strip club. You walk in and there are naked chicks and you have that momentary thought of “Is this porn?” You want to avert your eyes, because it’s nudity, but that’s why you paid $15 to get in, right? But then people can also see you stare at the naked women. It was all very conflicting, especially because the table in front of us kept buying table dances. They would fan the money across the girl’s breasts and rub it over her stomach. It was disgusting, but at the same time, I wanted to do the same to her. See? Conflicting.

I didn’t give a one to a stripper using my teeth. I didn’t even really give a stripper any ones, since we were near the back. I just watched the stage show from afar, and that was where the biggest difference between reality and tv happened was up on that stage. I was expecting some 80s rock, “Pour Some Sugar On Me” dirty dancing. What I got instead was club music and girls that weren’t keeping rhythm. Some girls got right up on stage and took everything off, no show or whatever. It was very disappointing from how I had built things up in my head. Where was my “Cherry Pie?” I mean, even current stuff, give me some Nine Inch Nails! I’m dying here!

As the club was nearing close, I knew I had to get a lap dance, because you don’t come to the strip club and not get a lap dance. That was also not how I had expected, but in a good way. We went to the back, and I didn’t think I could touch her, so I sat on my hands while she danced. It was really awkward, and she hugged me after it was over, which I’m not sure if that’s regular protocol or what. Then she gave my friend a lap dance, but kept coming back to me.

As we left, we smelled like stripper perfume and had all this pent-up sexual energy….so we got pizza. I would go to a strip club again, but I am now on a quest for an 80s night or just an 80s themed strip club. I want to see some girls undress to “Hot-Blooded”, not “Timber”.


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