Resolutions

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It’s that time again to make goals and then fail miserably! Just kidding. New Year’s Resolutions are one of my favorite parts of the change-over. It gives us a chance to look back and go, “You done good, kid.” Of course, sometimes we haven’t “done good”. Sometimes, we missed our goal, so we just laugh it off and go, “Who even follows those stupid resolutions anyway?”

There’s nothing wrong with having resolutions to bring in the new year. It’s a new year, which means a fresh start. I know not everyone does them, and some people do birthday resolutions instead, which are also great. I’ve thought about doing that, but it’s just easier for me to do it by year. I’m already posting so much other stuff around my birthday.

So, here’s the mandatory moment of silence for all the resolutions that didn’t come to pass: Lose weight, get a new tattoo, get published, learn to budget, write a poem every day, reconnect with lost friends, buy a new vehicle, get out of my comfort zone, fill up 12 disposable cameras. Some of these were a good attempt, some of these crashed and burned horribly, and some of these were halted by unforeseen circumstances.

I also managed to miss out on a lot of the events I was looking forward to this year. No problem though, because just look at what I’ve accomplished! I got a therapist, I visited a new state (Florida), and I read 50 books. Wow, I was a lot more excited typing that before I actually saw that I accomplished very little.

No problem. 2015 is almost upon us, and if you’re a regular blog reader, you know that odd numbers are my good luck charms! Here’s what I have in store for this year:

  • Get my motorcycle license, first and foremost. This is the resolution I am most excited about. I am tired of waiting to find some friend or some guy who has a bike. Screw that, I’ll just get one of my own (This plays into my sneaking suspicion that I’m just turning myself into my own dream guy).
  • Lose 100 pounds. Instead of just “lose weight”, we’re going to get specific this year. This is happening. I will have my own place again, I will be active, and I will slow cook EVERYTHING. Bring it on!
  • Play a sport. I’ve been getting restless, and I just always seem to have so much pent-up aggression. I used to love playing softball, but that fell off my grid many, many years ago. I never stopped loving it though, so I’m going to try and get back into being active and playing a game that I love. This should also help that resolution up there of losing weight.
  • Seriously, I need to get my shit together.
  • Buy a new vehicle. My car is on its last days. It was given a sentence two years ago, and it is surviving on miracles, but that time is ending. Besides, it’s kind of embarrassing to be seen in a dented, paint-peeling car with only one good (If you can even call it good) speaker. I almost achieved that goal this year, but problems arose and I am one clueless car buyer. Not this year, though! This is happening! Otherwise, I’m screwed.
  • Visit a new state. Like I’ve said before, this will be on here every year. This year, I’m thinking I’ll take two weeks off work and go roadtrip out to Phoenix, AZ to go meet my favorite penpal, Raquel. I’d get to cross off all those other states as I drive, plus I LOVE a good roadtrip. Of course, if that doesn’t come to fruition, I’ll go elsewhere, thus “visit a new state”, not “visit Arizona” or “visit Raquel”.
  • Get a new job. Let’s face it, folks. I’m fading here and every day, I get more and more frustrated with the people I work with, not to mention how just generally rude the company is to its employees. Get me out, and get me out asap! But not until I get that new job, you know? I’m trying to figure out if I’ll stick to the same profession (I’d rather not), or find something new. Not having any sort of degree would make that difficult though.
  • Reconnect with what I love. This ties in with the sport post. I love many things, but when people ask me, I always draw a blank. What is there to do, other than read and watch tv and take pictures? I used to love more, and so, I’m embarking on a quest to find out what exactly “more” is.
  • Get LABC its own web address. Fine, I’ll pay the money and it’ll be littleapartmentbigcity.com or whatever. That’ll occur sometime this year.
  • Do more art. It’s hard to write this after the recent death of my camera, but there are other types of art other than photography, right? (Another question: If a photographer goes somewhere or does something and didn’t take a picture, did it really happen?)
  • Take care of my general health. I don’t know how much I agree with this one. I don’t know how likely I will follow this one.
  • Get my tooth fixed. It’s been five years, okay? This can be fixed now.
  • Read all the books on my shelf. This is a task of great feat. This will also require NO NEW BOOKS. This will also require no re-reads. Buddha give me strength, because this one might be the hardest one yet.
  • Learn to love myself. The only one harder than reading all of my books. It’s hard to be a narcissist and also just hate yourself at the same time. It’s so conflicting, and you never have a clear idea of how you actually feel toward yourself.
  • Make 50 new friends. 50 is an attainable number, right? Last year, I started with like 3 total friends. Then I lost one, and the other one moved away, and I was in just absolute hell. Then, BAM. I’m suddenly inducted in this new circle of friends, and I have people to hang out with and I am happy, but I want more, and I feel like that’s not totally unreasonable. I want non-flaky friends. I want a best friend who lives close by. I want friends that will come to parties I throw, and want to go on spontaneous adventures, and people who are just there mentally and physically. And the 50 friends can include penpals, online friends, and neighborhood friends. Definitely attainable.
  • Talk to my mother. I have become OBSESSED with this piece of my history I finished uncovering this year. It is the one puzzle that I have basically gone over my whole life, and now I have answers. My mother is a main character in this obsession, but she doesn’t know that I know yet, and I feel like I won’t be satisfied until I speak with her on this matter. I’m nervous, and I keep putting it off, but I need to do this for myself and for my brother, though he doesn’t know it yet. I need more information. I need her firsthand account of what really happened.
  • Figure out who I am. There is constantly this talk of “who you are” and “be true to yourself” but I’m not sure who that is. I recognize my parents ingrained in my personality and I’ve been actively trying to get away from that, but I’ve been that person for 23 years. When I strip away everyone else’s thoughts, who am I? I’ve also been struggling with the fact I might be asexual, that I might be attracted to both women and men, and that I don’t think about my future and where I want it to go. “Rich” and “famous” just isn’t a real plan. There’s going to be a lot of introspection this year.
  • Escape escapism once a month. Remember that post I did about how easy it is to check out of the world around you? I vow to be consciously aware a whole 24 hours at least once a month, no matter how exhausting it may be.
  • Change my name legally. I hate my name. I’ve always hated my name. It’s too girly. It doesn’t sound like it has ever belonged to me. And with recent developments and reoccurring nightmares, I have decided that this is the year to have my name legally changed. It will be my entire name, so that my father will never find me and so that his last name and last tie is severed. I have the first name, and possibly the second, but I’m still iffy on the last name. Have any good last name suggestions? My first name will be Johanna, so when I start changing all my online profiles to “Jo”, you know what has happened.
  • Stop settling. I’m like the first pilgrim with how fast I settle on things. Jacket in 1X? Not my size, doesn’t exactly look right, but I love it so I’ll take it. Room with five other people and a dog? I’m not seeing any other offers, so sure. Kind of attractive but not really my type? Why not? This is becoming a real problem with me and it’s NOT OKAY. I’ll put it to you the same way my dad put it to my stepmom when he divorced her: “Are you happy or are you just content? Well, I want to be happy, not content.” Asshole of the year that he is, he has a point, and you shouldn’t settle for anything less than happiness. Kind of like that job? Kick out the “kind of”! Do it with gusto or don’t do it at all! If you’re not sure, you’re probably settling. How about you make a pact with me right now? Repeat after me: “I will not settle. I will not compromise my happiness because I’m lazy, because settling is easier, cheaper, less scary. I will pursue. I will not settle because I deserve better, because I am better than that.”

Now that the resolutions of 2015 are done, let’s look at what’s upcoming in the next year:

  • Settling into my new apartment. I move in on December 28, 2014, so it will still be new as the year rolls around and I’ll still be collecting and decorating.
  • Sean’s turning 19! I’m paying for him to come up and spend his birthday with me in the big city. I’m also throwing him a surprise party with the family. Hopefully, fingers crossed here, they actually show.
  • Awesome-Con 2015! Easter weekend or not, I’m not missing it this year!
  • Smokehole 2015! Every year, I go camping for a week with no cell service and no time and this year, I might actually have friends who’ll come along!
  • Artscape 2015!
  • Baltimore Book Festival 2015!
  • Baltimore Comic-Con 2015! I plan on having Sean come up and cosplay, either alongside me or his own thing. He’s never been to a convention, so he’ll be in absolute heaven.
  • Warped Tour 2015!
  • Halloween 2015!
  • Free Comic Book Day 2015! I might try to bring Sean in for this one as well.
  • Turning 24 and finally being recognized as independent by the government!
  • West Virginia friends coming to visit and stay with me!
  • Slutwalk 2015!
  • Summer 2015!
  • Fall 2015!
  • 2015!

So what are your resolutions this year? How many did you accomplish from last year? What’s exciting that’s going on with you this year?

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