I used to love horror movies.
That’s almost a ridiculous thought now, me actually enjoying being scared, but it’s true. I still carry a little of that with me when I read, but horror films have been erased from my life.
I don’t know when exactly I stopped enjoying being scared. Maybe it was when my father grabbed me as the clown popped out from under the bed in Poltergeist. Maybe it was when I found I could no longer walk near storm drains because of IT (my dog and I both share this fear). Maybe it was just being in the dark after watching dark corners grow into a monster in The Grudge. Whatever the reason, I have forbidden myself from them, my once-loves.
I actually think this began the weekend I watched Urban Legend and House On Haunted Hill.
House On Haunted Hill was the scarier of the two movies, and I figured I would have nightmares, but just shrugged it off. I was not expecting the fear that followed Urban Legends.
You see, I had the same jacket as the killer. You think it’d make me feel more comfortable, that no one else had the jacket but me, but it didn’t. Instead, I’d stare at it from across the room. It was something so simple, almost insignificant about the film, but it existed. I think my train of thought was that if the jacket was real, what else was real?
When I go urban exploring, people joke around with me about how I’m not scared of falling through floors or having a run in with a crackhead. “Really?” They say. “A spider? A ghost? That’s the least of our problems.” But it is a very real problem for me.
I have irrational fears, and they are building and they are taking over my life. I should be glad that I recognize them as irrational and that my rational fears are minimum, but I don’t. Last night, I had to jump out of the bathtub as it drained for a fear of something reaching out of the pipes and dragging me down into it. That’s something a child fears, but I have not outgrown that. Nor have I outgrown the fear of something pulling me under the bed (My mattress is currently safely on the floor).
I’m scared of the dark woods, but more for monsters and killer clowns then serial killers and rapists. Spiders fucking terrify me. Looking out windows at night are a big thing on my “Don’t do” list. Sewers cause shivers. I’m scared of lawn gnomes and porcelain dolls.
And honestly, these are just ridiculous things to be scared of, but that doesn’t stop me.
What are some of your irrational fears?
a/n: Looking up the pictures to put in this post make me want to cry. This is literally the worst post I have ever done.