The Pull Report 1.22.15

This week, I was featured on Yes & Yes for my trichotillomania. You can definitely tell this article was written a couple months ago, so I decided it was time for an update.

There have been some drastic changes since I did that interview, almost immediately after. I can’t tell you why my pull scale slide from a lazy three to a hasty seven, but it did. Honestly, it probably had to do with the move (which is over, thank goodness). That was really stressful though, not to mention I was on this birth control that was making me crazy and work has been a trial.

So, let’s start with the first offense:

I pulled most of my eyebrow out, and then, feeling guilty about it, pulled the other. I’ve been drawing them on, which I actually kind of like better than having eyebrows cause I can make them thin. I do not like reaching up to scratch them and my fingers coming back stained with eyeliner. I am curious as to why I never drew them on the whole time growing up. That would’ve made school life a thousand times easier.

So that happened, and then I forbid myself to keep pulling from there. Sadly, I broke my vow of not pulling from my head and this happened:

I realize that’s a bad picture. Luckily, that’s easy to hide (but I love having my hair up). I also have all the wisps around my ears gone, so I’m very uneven right now.

Responses to the article: 

I shared Sarah’s article on Facebook once it came out, and responses have been surprisingly good. A few people that I know stalk my Facebook haven’t liked or commented on it, so I wonder if I offended them in some way.

The friend I mentioned in the article, Lindsey, actually shared it on her page. Since then, two people from elementary school added me on Facebook. They haven’t tried to talk to me, so I don’t know why they did that, but that’s a completely other post.

Lindsey and I talked a little about the article and she mentioned how I threw my mother under the bus. I don’t think I did. You have to understand, there was nothing good about that relationship at that time in my life. My mother did use my trich like I was intentionally hurting her, but I have to hand it to her, she did pay for all of the therapy that followed (or my dad did, but my mom took me to the sessions). My mother has read the article, and her response was “Great interview!! I’m so proud of you!!!” She has been oddly supportive lately….

A few other comments included people listing others they knew with it, how they remember how hard this disease has been for me, and how brave I am to share the story. One friend even said she used to have it and if I ever wanted to talk to her or distract myself to contact her.

Funny thing is, people keep saying how brave I am. I don’t feel brave. Every time I pull, I feel like a coward. Talking about trich isn’t brave to me. Finding the strength to stop pulling is.