I had a dream the other night that involved a guy I liked in high school. I ran into him again, and instead of actually pursuing him, I did the same passive-aggressive flirting ritual that I had used on him in real life. I was actually pretty pissed at myself when I woke up. Six years have passed, and my methods, that haven’t gotten me results, haven’t changed? What gives?
This is how I live my life though. It wasn’t just about Cody and my three year crush that involved absolutely no action on my part. The few times I’ve acted, I’ve gotten results, but that’s never pushed me to incorporate that as a regular thing in my life. I’d like to blame the years of bullying, but I told myself recently to stop playing the victim card. This is all me. This is my life, and I need to start taking responsibility for what is happening in it.
I literally just finished watching American Beauty for the first time (starring the ever-handsome Kevin Spacey) and the message I got from that was along the same lines: Go after what you want, and stop putzing around. I’m not saying blackmail your work into a severance package like in the movie, or seduce your young daughter’s friend, but stop waiting! Stop letting other people dictate your life for you! Stand up for yourself. Stop holding yourself back.
I’ve always admired how people can just pack up and move to a new state. What about a job? Money? But sometimes, that means doing jobs you don’t like while finding jobs you do. We all want that sense of security, of knowing that next week, our paycheck will come in on Friday and be for x amount. This false sense of security is holding me back from my dream of traveling, of moving to New York, of just doing.
If I don’t change anything about myself and my life, how can I ever expect different outcomes?
It’s odd timing that I decided to watch this movie the same week I had the dream about Cody, but I get it, World. It’s time to stop talking the good game and simply act. It definitely is possible to think too much before you do something.
Here’s a guarantee to myself and my blog readers: Two of the biggest issues in my life right now are money and my weight. This week, I will exercise every day. I will only spend money on bills and gas. This is talk right now, but this is also a promise. I will check back in next week with my results, but I’m telling you now, something has got to give and it’s time that it wasn’t me. Self control for the win!