Tag Archives: love

An Ode To Hadley

I put every dent in that car.

Hadley arrived two weeks after my 19th birthday after a desperate plea to my father about escaping my current living situation. It wasn’t outright, my mother taught me well how to manipulate. Instead, I called him up and said, “I’m working two jobs so I can save up for a car. Once I get a car, I’m going to move out of B’s house.” And my father, never too excited that my boyfriend and I lived together, was right on board with me getting away from that house.

Hadley already had over 150,000 miles. Her paint was peeling slightly, but when we pulled into that parking lot and I saw her for the first time with that “Happy Birthday” banner taped over her bumper, it was love. She was escape. She was freedom.

And I drove her like we were free, like we were above the laws of man and nature. There were never any serious accidents, but we squealed tires and skidded to stops and hydroplaned and slid and a few times, I thought the car was going to flip on turns I took too sharply. Once, someone ran into the side, and another time, I ran into the guardrail on a turn I took too early. There were the occasional “hitting things against the bumper”. There was no air conditioning. When it rained, I would have to drive with the windows down. The heater would have to be kicked at from the passenger’s side up until I got the actual fan fixed. I worked on the engine more times than I can count. Christmas presents were parts for the car, something else that needed fixed.

But through all that, she persevered. We persevered. In 2012, someone said she wouldn’t last the year. She could’ve gone another five, I’m sure of it. She was magic.

And there were the memories we shared. Cigarette burns trailed up the driver side near the window. I was learning how to smoke and drive, and A sat next to me and my hands would shake, I was so nervous around him. I would watch him drive my car, gripping the “oh shit” handle but still having faith in him that he’d get us back to his house.

There was Jay in the passenger seat and Ida in the back as we blasted Beyonce out of the one good speaker and danced at stoplights.

There was driving home from the Gogol Bordello concert, falling asleep in the backseat at a rest area cause I couldn’t make it all the way home.

There were those months where I was homeless and slept in the car in a Walmart parking lot.

There was my father and I fixing the spark plugs.

There was my mother helping me filled up my oils and liquids before heading back to Maryland. We both agreed that car never should’ve made it there with how low everything was, but it had.

There was this last time, where the radiator hose split and I knew I could fix it, I knew. And so Beatrice and I stayed up all night, trying to find that stupid part that no place open had carried.

Hadley was more than a car; she was my best friend. And I wish I could’ve passed her on to someone else, for someone to appreciate her as much as I had. But with over 250,000 miles and a back door that won’t open, dents and scrapes and no a/c, no one would buy her and it broke my heart, but I took her to the junkyard. I got $270, but she was worth so much more than that. She wasn’t broken. She could still travel.

Is it ridiculous that I’m this upset about a car? It was just a car, right? Just five years of my life.

When I worked at the restaurant, my friends painted my car for my birthday (back when my name was Jessica). That's Kelsey with her handywork on my car.

When I worked at the restaurant, my friends painted my car for my birthday (back when my name was Jessica). That’s Kelsey with her handywork on my car.


Reasons Why I Shouldn’t Love Batman Forever (And Reasons Why I Do Anyway)


Sometimes, you love something, even when there is hard evidence that you shouldn’t. Sometimes, love defies all logic. And sometimes, that’s just okay.

I feel like whenever I say “My favorite movie is Batman Forever,” I have to explain that yes, I know it’s inaccurate, and yes, there’s a lot wrong with the film. Yes, I acknowledge that Batman Returns is the best live action film out there for Batman fans. Yes, Chris O’Donnell was 27 when the film came out and Dick Grayson is supposed to be a minor.

Perhaps you’ve dropped out of this conversation already. “No true Batman fan could ever like Batman Forever,” you’re saying. “You’re an imposter, a poseur, a fake. You’re just on the Batman bandwagon, a sheep to your very core. You have no taste in films.”

“Well, that’s a bit harsh,” I will respond.

So, let’s clear the air here and acknowledge all the bad in Batman Forever. It exists. I admit it.


Chris O’Donnell. Like previously mentioned, Dick Grayson is supposed to be a minor. O’Donnell isn’t the least bit passable as a minor. His performance is average, but come on here, does Bruce Wayne really need to take the kid in? He has stubble! The original Grayson was 15 when Bruce took him in. HA. I don’t know why they decided to go older with the casting. This mistake would’ve been such an easy thing to correct. Just find a different actor, okay? Nothing against O’Donnell himself, it’s just his age. The only reason I can think that they didn’t use a younger actor might be because there is always the shadow of “Is Bruce Wayne a pedophile?” Maybe they simply wanted to avoid non-comic readers having their doubts as well about Mr. Wayne’s integrity. Who really knows? If I ever meet Schumacher, this will be the main question I ask.


BATMAN HAS A LISP. This movie made me hate Val Kilmer. BATMAN SHOULD NOT HAVE A LISP. Most people say, “Really? I never heard it.” To them, I respond, “Tell me, Doctor. Do you like the circuth?” If Batman really had a lisp, I’d think more people would’ve figured out his real identity.


Cheesy script.  A lot of the lines used are one-liners and cheap shots and sentences that just make you groan. “Oh noooo, boiling acid!” Puh-lease. And trust me, I could go on and on with this.


The whole “memory loss” plotline. Nope, never happened. Easily the most annoying part of the movie. Bruce Wayne never blocked out how he got the idea for Batman. I think that if they had scrapped this storyline, the movie might have more fans. This stupid blocking out the memories bit makes me gag every time it comes on.


The Batsuit has nipples.  That’s gross and a little perverted.


The plotline as a whole is average. There’s nothing overly exciting about the plotline. The Riddler begins stealing information out of people’s brains after teaming up with Two-Face. Batman meets Robin, takes him under his wing, and puts a stop to them. Throw in a little Chase Meridian, and voila, Batman Forever. Not the greatest or most interesting plot. It’s no Selina Kyle falls to her death, becomes Catwoman, and kills Christopher Walken in a wig.

So, you’ve read the bad. “That seems like it’s the whole movie,” you say. “How can you say that you like, nay, LOVE this movie?” Well, if you wait a minute, I’m getting to that.

So, what made me fall in love with this movie was a number of factors, and a lot of them actually existed outside the movie.


Jim Carrey. I don’t know if I’ve talked about him on the blog before, but he is a major player in my life, since the time I was 3. I was hopelessly in love with him (still am) when this movie came out. I know his every line in the movie. I giggle like a little girl whenever we say the lines together. He is the celebrity I love enough to never meet. If he was a jerk, it’d completely just tear me in two. He would be the celebrity whose death I would mourn above all else (even Beyoncé’s). To put him in this movie as the Riddler made me fall in love with the Riddler, with Batman, with the entire movie. I can overlook all because he is in this movie.


The Villain Casting. And come on, was Jim Carrey not made to be the Riddler? And Tommy Lee Jones was a wonderful Two-Face. If they got all the other roles wrong, they got these two completely right.


Cheesy script. Yes, I said previously that the cheesy script was bad, but I was 5 years old when this movie came out. I loved how cheesy it was. Someone told me this movie was targeted towards younger audiences, and guess what? I was that younger audience. The bright colors, the cartoonish look and acting in the film; that appealed to me. It still does, maybe because I’ve watched this movie every year since then.


There wasn’t a good live-action Batman film for kids before this movie. Batman and Batman Returns were both pretty dark. Jack Nicholson is a thing of nightmares, Joker or not. And the Penguin was just too sinister for someone my age.

So yes, there are a lot of flaws, but that villain casting though…. I will argue that till I die. I’m not saying that you should love this movie, too. This movie probably will never mean as much to you as it does to me (unless it already does mean something to you). This movie is the reason I’m into comics. This movie is the reason my love for Batman didn’t fade away with puberty. This movie sometimes appears in my dreams (okay, TMI).

I’m still a Batman fan. Liking this movie shouldn’t damper that. And you know, it could be worse. It could be Batman & Robin.

“Allow Love To Happen”


Recently, I posted to my personal Facebook “What are your new year’s resolutions?” and received this response. It took me by surprise. Everyone else’s response seemed to do with self-improvement, but this, I liked this. I also knew that I couldn’t use this as one of my own.

As I read my friend’s words, a sinking feeling appeared in the pit of my stomach. “I’m not ready for that,” I thought, and it’s true. At this point in my life, I am re-evaluating all of my relationships, especially the ones with my family. I made a list of what I loved, and not one single person from my life was listed on there (though some actors definitely were. Looking at you, Michael Fassbender).

It sounds corny, but Foreigner’s “I Want To Know What Love Is” sprang to mind as a possible resolution. I do want to know what love is, but for some reason, I am actively fighting against it. I don’t know if this has to do with losing the person I loved the most from my life this past year, or if it has to do with the gaps I’ve been feeling with the artificial branch of my family tree, or even how I’m trying to give my mother a second chance but there is just nothing left inside of me for her. Maybe it’s all three. Maybe it’s none of those.

So no, I will not be allowing love to happen this year, though that is most certainly a beautiful resolution. I can’t allow it, not right now, not while I’m going through this crisis of “Do I really love my family, or is it merely obligation? What is love, anyway?” I do wish that if you’re in a good place, that you make this your goal for the year. Let something wonderful happen to you.

If you’re curious, here’s some things from my list of what I love:

  • The opening scene to Sin City
  • Buster, my dog
  • Close-ups
  • Alphabetizing
  • Being a geek
  • Chibis
  • Receiving mail that’s not spam
  • The color teal
  • Black and white horizontal stripes
  • Apples
  • Michael Fassbender
  • Owls
  • Dragon Age for the PS3
  • Taking pictures
  • Batman

10 Reasons My Dog and I Are Actually The Same Person


  1. We both are very territorial. This is the primary reason as to why I can’t live with people. This is his primary reason for trying to attack some of my male friends when they playfully shove me.
  2. In tenth grade, we rocked the same amount of eyeliner.

Capture1 DSC_3304-1

3. We both don’t like people.
4. We know who our family is.
5. When we see people we haven’t seen in a while, we don’t need their attention; they just need to recognize that we’re in the room.
6. We open things with our teeth.


7. We both fear drains.
8. We get excited when someone says the word, “Lizard”.
9. We don’t like other dogs. Or really any other animals. Or small children.
10. We both always know who to go to for food.

The Starlight Crystal by Christopher Pike



Very few books I read in my childhood has stayed with me the way this book has. It’s extremely thought-provoking, and a little advanced for even a teenager. The writing style, and the lovelorn girl’s wishes are all juvenile though, which makes me excited for when I finally get my hands on one of his adult novels. I’m kind of upset that this wasn’t an adult novel, but if it had been, there’s a good chance that he wouldn’t have resonated with me the way he did.

The book is about a girl who is the beginning and the end. She begins the book by meeting a young man named Tem only a week before she goes up into space and will remain there for 200 Earth years. It’s a little gross, how she’s suddenly like, “Oh, I just love you so much, Tem. I can’t live without you,” but I guess that’s how teenagers act. So she goes up into space and while she’s up there, the planet gets destroyed and then the aliens come and take over her ship. Luckily, one of them is nice and sends her ship into what I guess you could consider “hyperdrive”, where they’re now traveling at an amazing speed and time is just passing ludicrously all around them.

So they’re trapped in super time because the alien never told them how to slow down. All this time passes when there is a “presence” felt, and a kind of Supreme Being begins speaking to them and tells them how to slow down. So they slow down, find a passenger ship where people are frozen, Tem being one of them. But as they wake up the people, the main character finds out Tem is dead, so she takes him to Earth to bury him. Once there, he awakens as a Supreme Being and pretty much tells her she needs to hijack the ship and go into hyperdrive again, so that she can do all seven steps to become a Supreme Being herself.

Confused? It gets worse. So as she’s alone on this ship, she watches the universe die and then gets reborn into the SAME EXACT UNIVERSE. The Supreme Being said there might be subtle differences, but I didn’t see any. So she lands on Earth the time that Tem was alive, meets and tries to kill her past self like she did before, and then waits for past self to leave before making a move on Tem. They get married and she ends up cloning them both, but they’re born as babies so Tem doesn’t know they’re clones.

So they get up to the sky, and the main character kills Tem, reawakens her clone’s memories, creates the same aliens that destroyed Earth, then kills herself. Meanwhile, clone her has taken over this story. Clone her is in love with her “brother”, who is also named Tem. Clone her sets about destroying the aliens after they have destroyed Earth, and Tem ends up dying in the process. So now her boyfriend that she fought so hard to keep is dead twice. So she’s upset and travels to a bunch of different planets until she finds a planet similar to how Native Americans lived. She lives with them until they send her up to the mountain to speak to the High Elder, who tells her she has been the Supreme Being she originally spoke to on the ship in her first life. So then she walks away and Supreme Being Tem joins her and happily ever after, the end.

Something I have always loved about Christopher Pike is how his stories aren’t necessarily horror, and they have all these twists and turns about them to keep you guessing. I can vaguely remember a story he wrote where this girl kept drawing this boy’s face and couldn’t figure out why. Turns out, she accidentally killed him. But wait! Her best friend actually did! (If I recall correctly).

This book won’t be leaving my shelf anytime soon, and if I were you, I’d go pick yourself up a copy. This is wonderful.


  • “How do I explain a life that has lasted for billions of years? It is almost as if I must start with an apology for being alive when everyone I once knew is dead.”
  • “You cannot know true joy when you are bound by desire. It is not possible.”
  • “Confusion is the beginning of knowing. Certainty is the bane of wisdom. You must know that you do not know, before you can learn.”